October is a Breast Cancer Awareness month and for some reasons, it’s also a real-time experience for me. My 1st chemotherapy treatment is set October 24th (as of this writing, it’s today). I’m often asked, ‘how do you feel?’.

Am I anxious? Do I feel stressed out or depressed? Am I worried? Or perhaps afraid? Do I feel helpless?

By God’s grace, I can’t recognize these emotions at the moment. Perhaps because I am not really sure what to expect after the 1st treatment. I heard that the severity of the side effects of chemo treatments vary from person to person, but certainly they’re all unpleasant.

When my husband and I learned that breast cancer will become a part of our lives in the coming months or year, we both agreed that worrying will not help us get through this. The uncertainty of what lies before us surely gives us a reason to be afraid or even stressed out, but my husband and I both believe in God who never leaves us nor forsake us. So though we are aware that having breast cancer lingering around can cause unwanted changes, we agreed to always look at the bright side of things to come.

The thought of having breast cancer is already terrifying. So how much more to those who are actually diagnosed of it? It’s a life-threatening condition that those affected by it (directly or indirectly) don’t even want to say or dare to speak the word ‘cancer’. They will just call it the big C.

On the day I had my mammography results, the same day the doctor said I have to undergo a biopsy procedure to know more about the suspicious area they found out on my left breast, the possibility of being hit by breast cancer naturally crossed my mind. What if I have breast cancer? What would that mean to me and my life? As a person with a habit of always looking at the bright side, the first positive thought was that if this indeed turns out to be breast cancer, then I have another new adventure to go through in life!

Then God’s Word in Isaiah 53:5 gave me comfort and peace, “By His stripes, we are healed.” So by faith, I know that I am already healed. God the son, Jesus Christ, already finished the work; He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, and died to take all the condemnations, diseases, curses and sins away from us, so we may live life to the fullest. Hence, in my mind, even before I’m officially declared a breast cancer patient, I am already healed by God’s grace.

Biopsy results came and indeed I have breast cancer. My physical body may be failing, but my mind remains strong in the Lord. If what requires for my body to completely heal are those chemotherapy, breast conservation surgery, radiation and anti-hormonal therapies the doctor said I need to undergo, then so be it! I accept the challenge of going through all these and certainly expecting to suffer painful side-effects if it need be. Surely I can’t do it on my own, but I believe the strength I need comes from the Lord.

So when family and friends ask me, ‘how do you feel?’

I can best describe how I feel by sharing another wonderful walk with God around the lake nearby our home the morning of the day I got my 1st chemo treatment.

As I look around me, it’s cloudy and cold but there’s this breath of fresh air.

I see no sunshine but it feels so peaceful.

I see no people but I don’t feel alone.

I look up and I see birds spreading their wings and flying high; I feel so empowered and free.

I keep walking and there are the trees with leaves changing colors; they make me smile & fill my heart with joy.

And then I see myself… all in the process of transformation! And I say out loud with thanksgiving in my heart, “Wow! What else can I ask for?”

Life is simply beautiful!