Big C’s back, but my greatest weapon this time? It’s the love, care, thoughts and prayers of family, friends and acquaintances near and far, which I believe are all manifestations of God’s unending presence, protection and provision, or hereby referred to as God’s 3Ps!
March 8, 2021 is International Women’s Day, but unfortunately for me it also marked the comeback of breast cancer for the second time around after three years of being declared clean and clear of it. On this date, my husband and I were also 28-week pregnant with our second child. It was March, so basically I was also halfway through my second year of law school. Amidst all these personal circumstances were also reports of the increasing number of confirmed COVID-19 patients and deaths all over the world, as exacerbated by emerging variants of the virus. With law school, pregnancy, and the comeback of breast cancer all happening at the same time amidst COVID-19 pandemic, how could I ever make it?
BIBLICAL RULE
It is but natural for human beings like you and me to question why many things in our lives don’t go the way we expect or want them to be. There seems to be no moment at all when you could say ‘this is a perfect life’. As soon as one problem is solved, another one comes in and it goes on. For some others, it could come as one failure after the other or one mess snowballing to a series of complications and difficulties that one could generally describe as hitting rock bottom. I could have also ended up feeling like I’ve hit rock bottom, but as soon as the doctor told me, “I’m so sorry to say that the same breast cancer you had before has come back”, Proverbs 3:5-6 was the first thing that pops up in my mind: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”
APPLICATION OF THE RULE & TESTIMONY
Given the facts of my circumstances, I couldn’t help but think why me again, why now, why the comeback of cancer, why can’t it not even wait until the baby is born, and the more I think about it the more I felt so unlucky. Most importantly, along with these crying WHYs is the big HOW. How could I get through all these, or will I even make it? To be honest, the promise of Proverbs 3:5-6 is all I could count on; it says my path will be directed, but how?
Pursuant to this biblical rule, there are three requirements to meet:
(1) Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart,
(2) Lean NOT on your OWN understanding, and
(3) Acknowledge HIM in ALL your ways.
For the first requirement, there are two elements: ‘trust’ and ‘all your heart’. As defined by Webster dictionary, trust means assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, and truth of someone or something. “All your heart’, on the other hand as defined by Farlex dictionary, is an idiomatic expression that implies expressing one’s sincerest feelings, willingness and devotion with all the energy and enthusiasm there is that one can muster.
In this case, what I need to, therefore, get through this year’s law school, pregnancy and cancer amidst the ongoing pandemic is to rely on the character, ability, strength and truth of someone or something. Since it was God’s unending 3Ps that helped me get through breast cancer and all of its adverse effects the first time it hit me in 2017, then there is no reason why it shouldn’t be the same ‘someone’ and ‘something’ that I could rely on this time and as always.
The question, however, that many will wonder is related to the fact that the concept of God is something of a spiritual nature. It concerns someone or something unseen or invisible in the physical realm. Hence, the concept of God is more of a personal and spiritual conviction of the existence of an invisible supreme being capable of doing what human beings can rationalize as impossible. So how then can one rely on the character, ability, strength and truth of someone or something that one can’t even see in the first place?
Based on personal experience, it’s a matter of perspective. Just because someone or something is invisible doesn’t mean it does not exist; a comparison can be made when you think about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23); all these are abstract concepts that anyone can have the privilege of ‘seeing’ in the sense of knowing, feeling, and experiencing rather than ‘seeing’ through the naked eye. Hence, it goes without saying that God do exist and His presence, protection and provision are all manifested through the presence, protection and provision provided for by people around us— our family, friends and acquaintances.
The second requirement, which says ‘lean not on your own understanding’, also implies two things: (1) the existence of one’s own mind as indicated by the word ‘understanding’, and (2) the concept of reliance on one’s own mind as indicated by the words ‘lean on’. Interestingly, it’s again related to reliance. While the first requirement leads us to the basic DO’s— i.e. rely on someone or something with all our heart, which in my case is to rely on the truth of God’s 3Ps, the second requirement is substantiating the first one as it now focuses on the basic DON’Ts; do not rely on your own understanding.
Why shouldn’t we rely on our own understanding? To answer that question, it is significant to know what ‘own understanding’ means. As defined by Cambridge dictionary, ‘understanding’ does not only entail having the knowledge about a subject matter, a situation or how a thing works but it also entails having a reason to believe in someone or something. Notably, one’s own knowledge and reasoning about something or someone could be highly subjective because of different factors, including individual differences, personal experiences, cultural upbringing, educational background, socio-economic status, environmental factors and the list goes on. On this basis alone, it follows that one’s own understanding could be highly prone to bias, which is all the more a legit reason for caution when it comes to relying on a knowledge or reasoning that could possibly be clouded by a biased understanding of someone or something.
Upon reflection, I could personally relate and understand why I shouldn’t lean on my own subjective and (yes sometimes biased) reasoning about something or someone. To illustrate, I couldn’t hide the fact that since March 8, I was fully overwhelmed by how complicated the situation I was in has become that I initially didn’t bother sharing about the cancer recurrence. I felt so undeserving of any luck or fortune that I could possibly avail of and that there is really no need to bother others with my personal struggle. But that was my own self-sabotaging beliefs talking again; my state of understanding was clouded by the overpowering subjectivity and bias of the present situation.
Thankfully, the closer I got nearer to the day I had to be operated on, the more I was reminded of that one gem of lessons learned that I have picked up during my first adventure with Big C. It was that statement, “The people around you are extensions of yourself” that made me think twice about sharing. So even though limited, I shared what I was going through with the people around me, especially those whom I knew would be affected in case I fail to deliver expected results from my side. Hence, I informed few teachers and groupmates at the university, my co-volunteers at Stichting Bayanihan and MABIKAs Foundation, fellow mothers I’m often in touch with at my son’s school, and of course family and friends who may be worried or end up wondering why no responses to emails, calls or messages. Most importantly, I decided to share my situation because even though my own understanding says “I don’t need to”, my entire being was screaming “I have to” due to the fact that others are indeed extensions of myself and that I couldn’t make it through this struggle alone.
For the third requirement, which says ‘acknowledge Him in all your ways’, the concept of acknowledgment is highlighted with emphasis on three elements: (1) what it means to acknowledge, (2) who to acknowledge, and (3) how to acknowledge. Per Cambridge definition, ‘acknowledgment’ refers to the act of recognizing the existence of someone or something and the fact of accepting that something is true or right.
From this definition, it doesn’t matter, therefore, whether that something that one believes in is a universal fact known or generally accepted to be true by everyone else. What matters is that the person who recognizes or acknowledges something to be true does it not because everyone else considers it to be true but solely because the person has a personal conviction that it is so. As to the question of who to acknowledge, Proverbs 3:5-6 says ‘Him’ with a capital ‘H’ to mean and give reverence to a deity, which in this case and in this context, refers to God Almighty, the Creator of heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them (Psalms 146:6). As to the manner of acknowledging God, it says ‘all your ways’ with emphasis on ALL, which further implies completeness, wholeness and inclusiveness of a certain behaviour attributed to acknowledging that someone or something.
Applying it to my case and quest for answers on how to make it through, what I basically needed to do, therefore, is to keep my faith in God and stay true to the fact that I have accepted and recognized the existence of God’s 3Ps. But as always, it’s easier said than done. Keeping one’s faith and staying true to what you believe in could be tougher than you think, especially when it is put to test. When I was diagnosed the first time, I truly put my faith in God and into the hands of the medical practitioners who treated me. In the end, I was healed and survived. But being diagnosed with cancer the second time around and in a more complicated situation is like being put in another faith test on a higher level.
At that moment the doctor said the cancer is back, every torture I’ve been through during my previous cancer treatments flashed back, and all I could think of and was worried about was how it would affect the baby in my womb. All the cancer treatment options I needed to undergo are all risky for the baby, unless I start treatment right after birth. Unfortunately, I had to undergo treatment right away as the found tumor was again malignant and if not treated the soonest possible time, the risk of it spreading to other organs of my body would be high. With all these in mind, it was really hard to even tell myself, “acknowledge God’s presence, protection and provision in all your ways, Myra”, especially when all I saw was seemingly a worsening situation. But I have no options, haven’t I? So if I want a way out through this difficult time, then I should meet the three requirements, including this 3rd one.
CONCLUSION & HEARTELT THANKS
What came out as a result of meeting all these three requirements is amazingly incomprehensible! Truly, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and he will direct your path. As a living testimony of the truth in this, I couldn’t fathom how God’s 3Ps were all indeed manifested through the presence, protection and provision of and from the people near and far whom I consider God sent and truly extentions of myself. For lack of a better word, all I could say from the bottom of my heart is my sincerest and warmest THANK YOU! Me, my husband and my son would like to thank everyone who cared, who prayed, and who shared your valuable time with and for us.
Thank you to all the prayer warriors, who stood by us (virtually, in person and in spirit) with your fervent thoughts and prayers, lighting candles at the comfort of your homes as a symbol of light for me and my family, including this little bundle of joy in my womb.
Thank you to all the medical practitioners, namely our family doctor, gynecologist, midwives, radiologist, oncologist, physician, surgeon, case manager, anesthesiologist, plastic surgeon, nurses and doctors, who all together had joint efforts to ensure that I get the best possible treatment with the safety and wellbeing of the baby inside me as one of the top priorities.
Thank you to all my professors who considerably gave me extensions of deadlines in case I couldn’t complete my assignments on time. Thank you to my classmates and groupmates who were so kind to help me catch up with missed lectures and workshops by sharing their notes during the classes that I’ve missed.
Thank you to all good friends in the Netherlands who were all so kind and thoughtful to send me and my family fresh flowers and cards with encouraging messages of well wishes and prayers.
Thank you to all of you, who despite your busy schedules, still managed to find time to come visit us at our humble home.
Thank you so much to our dear friends who made the effort to specially prepare many of my favorite home-cooked Filipino dishes and have them delivered personally to our place just so we need not to worry about cooking for dinner, especially during the recovery period when I felt the weakest.
Thank you to all the mothers at Alexander’s school who kindly offered help to pick him up at school when my husband or I couldn’t. Also thank you for willingly taking Alexander under your care just so I could have some few hours to rest.
To my dearest husband, Lukasz, thank you very much!
Surely, you are all God sent! Your presence, protection and provision are truly God’s manifestation of His divine 3Ps! And because of YOU and ALL that you did, I AM WELL AGAIN! For the second time around, the tumors found in my system were all taken out through three surgeries in total (i.e. mastectomy, lumpectomy, breast conservation). After a month of recovery following the surgical operations on 8 April 2021, I am well again. By God’s grace, I have enough strength and high hopes for a safe and smooth delivery of our most awaited second child (who at this time of writing is a few days away from expected due date). The plus side of it all is that not only am I now close to completing this second year of law school but also am completing it with very satisfactory grades so far!
Hence, I would like to shout out with joy and give all the glory and praise to our God Almighty who made all things possible for me to make it through so far despite law school, pregnancy, and the comeback of breast cancer happening all at the same time in the midst of COVID-19 pandemic! In a similar way, you too can get through the most difficult times in your life. Rest assured of that; just let Proverbs 3:5-6 guide you through.
